I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
