The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
