Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize