i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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