careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
