these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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