He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
