Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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