She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
