Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
