From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
