first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
