Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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