census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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