Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
