She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
