phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize