i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
