Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
