didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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