I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
