apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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