just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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