3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
