But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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