i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
