we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
