Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
