I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
