If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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