I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
