I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize