i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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