The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
