my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
