Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
