Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
