I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
