yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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