alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
