I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
