4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My nipple is on Facebook.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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