just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
