Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
