Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
