question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
