4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
