the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize