I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
