Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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