Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
