Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
