She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize