Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
