Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
