Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
