You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
