There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
