My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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