Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
