I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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