how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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