So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
