we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
