why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize