Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize