Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
