All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She bit a glass in half.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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