it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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