mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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