I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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