Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
