K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
never play flip cup with pint glasses
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
