When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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