I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
