i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
