this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
