Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
be right there i have to get my cape
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
