Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
