dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she told me i tasted like america
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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