Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
