.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
